Ninja Vs Gokudo – Episode 1

Content Warning: Flashing/strobing lights, Blood, Decapitation

What’s it about? Since we left the caves and settled as a agricultural society, one thing has defined humanity and its history: the ongoing war between… Ninja and Yakuza?! Yes, this is true—the story of two members of two warring tribes who flood Tokyo’s pristine streets with rivulets of blood, shed to determine what forces will reign supreme!

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You know, part of what I love about seasonal anime is what I like to call the Dartboard Effect. I’m sure there’s a better, actual name for it, but you already know what I’m talking about: it’s the kitchen sink, the all-in method, an anime that is just kind of a mashup of random elements into one “cohesive” (scare quotes are totally necessary here) premiere that can hint at what’s to come.

Ninja Vs Gokudo is absolutely that. It combines ninja, actual history entities that have gone the way of fantasy, with…yakuza, actual modern entities that do crime and run a pretty prominent racket during Shibuya’s Halloween festival. However, in this context, they’re both operating in the shadows and in the light, as two modern-day warring factions. One representative is a business man, the other, kind of scuffy dude: both like anime and are otaku.

Will this what-you’ve-got-in-the-pantry soup make any sense? 

Only one way to find out.

Episode 1 starts in 1657 Edo, engulfed in flames while our two side battle. Against the wall of fire reducing Edo to ashes, a rivalry blooms like spider lilies on a silent river bank. Who will rise and who will fall?

Okay, now to the present day with our two leads: Kiwami Gokudo, our yakuza; and Tanaka Shinoha, our ninja. Both of their family names immediately give away their professions as descendants in an ongoing war fought in Japan’s shadows. They’re also otaku.

But that isn’t enough to keep Shinoha from foiling a yakuza plan against the governor of Tokyo and his family, nor is it enough to end a rivalry between ninja and gokudo, especially when two would-be friends clash…

Now, I love a dubbed anime, I genuinely do. But Ninja Vs Gokudo‘s is about as stiff as its animation, and that’s not the fault of the voice actors, but their direction. Everything kind of reminds me of the direction actors were given for Sonic Adventure 2, where all the lines are too literal, too poorly scripted, and as a result, have the wrong inflection or emotion in what should be a hypothetically thrilling scene. It doesn’t help that characters barely emote, and I don’t mean Shinoha’s difficulty with breaking his flat affect. I just mean that no one behaves like an actual human: they all feel like caricatures of men trying to be silent and tough, and it just sucks.

Rather than leaning into this honestly silly, but violent premise, we get a kind of B-grade premiere that is memorable for all the wrong reasons. Like I said, no discredit to the actors, but like…you can’t do an anime with a MIYAVI OP like this, dawg. Then again, I suspect this is an ongoing issue with Amazon stepping into the anime space as a streamer but not dedicating any authentic effort to it. I’ll remain a hater on them until things get better—and then I’ll still stand with producing better projects by respecting the resources, and humans, that make it all happen.

That’s not even addressing the “man in dress” gag that gets threatened and thankfully dropped before anything hateful can come of it. Perhaps the fact that Ninja vs Gokudo avoided doing the wrong thing is its one success, which is…not great to say the least. But hey, at least there’s that nice little nugget in the end? I don’t know y’all, maybe I need to stop finding the good in every premiere…

It’s rare I’m so immediately unimpressed by a series, but here I am at the end of my review, waiting on my food delivery and feeling like I just spent thirty minutes thoroughly not enjoying myself. And it’s not because Ninja vs Gokudo is particularly bad: it’s just that it’s so middle of the road in its violence and execution that I’m sure this is all this series has: tepid pacing, too many concepts, and poor execution.

In many ways, this premiere reminds me of this kid’s book series, Who Would Win?. It’s one I sell a lot because kids love to learn about animals going WWE-style in nature while taking in so many facts that are perfect for sharing on the playground. What sets those books apart, however, is that they’re enjoyable, unlike Ninja vs Gokudo, which feels incredibly edgy but ultimately ends up falling on its digital face. If it’s not clear, I’m soundly not recommending you watch this premiere. It’s best left as one of the dregs of this season.